Quick thoughts on my first day in the stacks

To: Friedrich Schiller, Sämtliche Werke, 1835, and the other German works of PT 2XXX

Dear Werke:

I am sorry I had to take you from the shelves, in all 12 volumes of beautiful cracking covers and yellowing paper. Apparently your lack of barcode signaled that no one had checked you out in almost 20 years. I am not a rare book expert, but I am pretty sure, given the death of Schiller in 1805, you are a first or second edition.

To the rest of you, some of you are even older than the Schiller and some of you are relatively new scholarly works that have obviously not been opened once since you were purchased. Some of you were donations in memory, ex libris Professor Long-Since-Passed-Away.

Most likely none of you will ever be read again.*

Sincerely,

Steven

  • Quoting Steven’s new supervisor in charge of the logistics of moving things to the up-town storage facility: “If we do our jobs correctly, hopefully no more than 3% of all these works will ever be requested again.”