One of the first books I purchased for myself, with my own money and in a drive by myself to the chain bookstore in my suburban town, was a copy of e e cummings’s work No Thanks. At the beginning he lists, with no thanks, the 14 publishers who rejected the work before it was finally published.

After being rejected for another job after an interview that both I and the panel agreed was excellent, I feel like when I finally do get a job I will want to say “No Thanks” to those colleges and universities who rejected me for now 43 positions.

Yes, 43. 43 applications, 6 interviews, one stupidly rejected offer. From tenure-track positions at top schools to part time library tech jobs anywhere, I have applied to everything. My catch-22: libraries in urban centres say I need more experience, while those in more remote areas will not even call me for an interview.

I know I didn’t get reference experience during my library degree. That was my first stupid mistake, saying I would be faithful to my old office job by working weekends, thereby messing my schedule for hours I was offered on the reference desk.

So, since no one will give me a job I have to find some kind of way of staying engaged. I have worked on my resume and cover letter until my eyes have watered. The multiple librarians who have reviewed it have said it was excellent, including the chair of the last hiring committee I spoke with.

I want to at least be engaged with ideas and write about things so I can keep my name out there. I feel that without the support of a position and a title people will soon forget about me. And then new graduates will come out of library school and I will have to explain what I have been doing these 6 or 8 months when I compete against them.

My second catch-22: I want to write in order to stay focused on getting a position, but I feel like I cannot write without some professional experience. I am sick of living my life in books, articles, and theories. I want to see what the real issues are. I want to know exactly where my energy needs to be directed. Before I embark on writing and thinking about things I want to identify where the real issues are.

But how do I do that without a job? Catch-22……