Subject/Object

Just for starters, I wanted to say that I have not been writing seriously, either for myself or for others, for almost the entire summer. Even writing this post is difficult, which is why I am starting with this disclaimer to get my mental juices flowing.

A confession: I have had the worst summer in recent memory. It goes back to having a very poor final semester. I hope to write more specifically about my school experience later. I will say that that last semester killed almost all of the excitement I had entering school. Even at the end of the winter semester I felt like I had so much passion and dedication, and my experience basically killed it.

Except for the possibility of employment. I made it through that final semester with the hope that my first position would make it better. I gambled all of my hopes on the fact that if I could only suffer through useless assignments, “lectures” dominated by group presentations, a disappointing practicum, and an administration which could be distant from the reality of students, I would be able to secure a fulfilling position which would allow me to keep learning, to keep doing research and investigation, and really help people with their work and research.

I didn’t expect to have a position right out of school. First thing, my school had no successful work study or co-op, but only a practicum which was about 100 hours of work, so I didn’t expect to be set up with a position. And, I want to be an academic librarian, which means there is less flexibility in hiring.

Now, six months after finishing my last essay, I am having a really difficult time staying motivated, keeping my passion. I remember how I used to just pull books off the shelve–on librarianship, on the history of libraries, on the future of information. All summer I have not really been able to read substantially on a topic.

Admittedly, I had a single job offer. However, I did not have a positive feeling from my communications with the people there, and it was far away, and it would have thrown my household and family into shambles. Nevertheless, I have submitted more than 30 applications and have had only four interviews.

My…depression I guess you could call it, although it is more like a slump… my slump has only deepened as time goes on because I don’t really understand what more I can do. I was in the top 20 percent of my graduating class. I have had my resume reviewed with excellent feedback. I have followed up with selection panels who only have good things to say about my interviews.

And now I have lost my student job at the library, so I am unemployed. So, that has been the general downturn of my entire summer. I have not been writing, or reading, or connecting with other librarians. I expected to be well on my way to preparing a paper for publication, participating with colleagues on projects, and working on some kind of presentation to a conference or professional meeting. How can I do all that when I am now worrying about paying my rent?

I will say one positive thing: I have been invited to participate as a junior professional and a blogger in the Canadian Library Association’s National Summit on Library Human Resources (blog, press release). The meeting over two days next week between senior professionals from every area in librarians as well as executive members of the CLA will address the future of human resources in Canadian libraries. I was nominated for a fully funded trip to Ottawa, which is a great privilege and I am very excited. Please, if you are interested, read the proceedings from me and the other bloggers involved.

Lastly, I have thought seriously about closing this blog. I’ve noticed that the library blog sphere has died lately. Or, at least, I have not read anything in my reader which I feel like I need to comment on. Maybe it is me. Or maybe not. Maybe there is really nothing much said anymore.

However, I think I will keep writing. If only for myself, to get back into having my own thoughts. It has taken me all summer to detox from the horrible experience which was the last semester of school.

As I feel myself closer towards having a position, (many interviews, some of them very good), I have been thinking a lot more about the practical side of being an academic librarian. Public service, of course. As well, the kind of training that seems to be suggested by library writers more in the past: having a general knowledge founded on wide reading.

I noted that in the last two days I have learned two things which could later help me offer service doing research. The context of the first instance is this book review I have to write for Library Journal on the life of Gerard Manley Hopkins. Now, not being an English major, Hopkins is enough of an outside character in literature that I haven’t heard of him. So I was required to get some books out of the library and read about his life and work so I can evaluating the biography. And another piece of knowledge learned, much of his life story can be explained by the influence of the Oxford Movement, also called the Tractarian Movement. This I had not heard of either. So now I have the beginnings of knowledge and a vocabulary for this area, and can being to speak with readers on this topic.

The second case was the theory that women’s liberation, education, and empowerment contributes to the health of her and her children, and ultimately their IQ, contributing to the Flynn Effect or climbing IQs. This I learned from reading a review of two books on birth control in the New York Review of Books. I had known about the Flynn Effect, but now I know it has a name.

In an interview last week, I had a little bit of an intimate moment, where I told an anecdote about how when I was young I used to read the encyclopedia almost exclusively. To go into more depth here, I remember that I would read volumes and articles out of order, without any systematic approach. But over the years in my parents house I must have read all of the articles which were interesting to me. I can remember enjoying history, politics and war, anthropology and archaeology, linguistics and particularly historical language development. I don’t know if I read about philosophy as it is practiced by the academicians, but I do remember reading about Justice, Freedom, Democracy and other articles of that kind.

Preparing for the interview, thinking about my passion, that memory strongly affected me. I kind of felt at peace with where I was going and what I was spending my intellectual effort on. The more of the most important works in each area I can read, the better I will be able to serve. What kind of special gift is that, on top of everything else?