Subject/Object

Just for starters, I wanted to say that I have not been writing seriously, either for myself or for others, for almost the entire summer. Even writing this post is difficult, which is why I am starting with this disclaimer to get my mental juices flowing.

A confession: I have had the worst summer in recent memory. It goes back to having a very poor final semester. I hope to write more specifically about my school experience later. I will say that that last semester killed almost all of the excitement I had entering school. Even at the end of the winter semester I felt like I had so much passion and dedication, and my experience basically killed it.

Except for the possibility of employment. I made it through that final semester with the hope that my first position would make it better. I gambled all of my hopes on the fact that if I could only suffer through useless assignments, “lectures” dominated by group presentations, a disappointing practicum, and an administration which could be distant from the reality of students, I would be able to secure a fulfilling position which would allow me to keep learning, to keep doing research and investigation, and really help people with their work and research.

I didn’t expect to have a position right out of school. First thing, my school had no successful work study or co-op, but only a practicum which was about 100 hours of work, so I didn’t expect to be set up with a position. And, I want to be an academic librarian, which means there is less flexibility in hiring.

Now, six months after finishing my last essay, I am having a really difficult time staying motivated, keeping my passion. I remember how I used to just pull books off the shelve–on librarianship, on the history of libraries, on the future of information. All summer I have not really been able to read substantially on a topic.

Admittedly, I had a single job offer. However, I did not have a positive feeling from my communications with the people there, and it was far away, and it would have thrown my household and family into shambles. Nevertheless, I have submitted more than 30 applications and have had only four interviews.

My…depression I guess you could call it, although it is more like a slump… my slump has only deepened as time goes on because I don’t really understand what more I can do. I was in the top 20 percent of my graduating class. I have had my resume reviewed with excellent feedback. I have followed up with selection panels who only have good things to say about my interviews.

And now I have lost my student job at the library, so I am unemployed. So, that has been the general downturn of my entire summer. I have not been writing, or reading, or connecting with other librarians. I expected to be well on my way to preparing a paper for publication, participating with colleagues on projects, and working on some kind of presentation to a conference or professional meeting. How can I do all that when I am now worrying about paying my rent?

I will say one positive thing: I have been invited to participate as a junior professional and a blogger in the Canadian Library Association’s National Summit on Library Human Resources (blog, press release). The meeting over two days next week between senior professionals from every area in librarians as well as executive members of the CLA will address the future of human resources in Canadian libraries. I was nominated for a fully funded trip to Ottawa, which is a great privilege and I am very excited. Please, if you are interested, read the proceedings from me and the other bloggers involved.

Lastly, I have thought seriously about closing this blog. I’ve noticed that the library blog sphere has died lately. Or, at least, I have not read anything in my reader which I feel like I need to comment on. Maybe it is me. Or maybe not. Maybe there is really nothing much said anymore.

However, I think I will keep writing. If only for myself, to get back into having my own thoughts. It has taken me all summer to detox from the horrible experience which was the last semester of school.